Weigh On
by OukamiYasha
Summary: When Ed is diagnosed with a fatal condition, it's Al that suffers most. Insanity, rape, disturbing-ness...maybe Elricest
1. Chapter 1

The lush grass rustled beneath Al's shoes and darkened the leather with streaks of midnight dew. Laughter sprang lightly from his shallow chest as he half-ran, half-danced in the meadow by the river,whose water ran black during the night. The boy's olive eyes were alight with fever and stars, glinting knowingly through the darkness as he whispered.

"Remember, big brother? Remember when we used to play here?"

The ends of his coat licked at his calves as he stuck his arms out horizontally and spun.

"We'd play `till it got dark and Mom would get worried and shine a light through the top story window...then we'd know to go home."

With a wild giggle he flung himself to the ground. It was cold and wet and the tips of the grass tickled his face as he lay on his side, giggling further still in the silence that answered.

"You remember, right? You remember!"

He allowed himself one more laugh, before, while gazing across the river, his smile faltered until it stuck to a pained grimace.

"You remember," his voice wavered and he clutched at the grass in fistfuls, tearing hunks of earth and throwing it over his shoulder as he sat, "you remember. You remember. You remember. You remember."

His mantra increased in pace and pitch, before he abandoned it completely, and, throwing himself upon the ground once again, he shrieked, his voice a keening knife through the gentle sky.

---

Ed's book fell to the floor, fast and loud. He bolted from his armchair, looking toward the window with wild amber eyes wide in concern. It was brightly lit in the library, all the golds and reds of the furniture shining off the mahogany floors and filling the room with simple warmth. But outside was pure black. Where his brother was. Ed's eyebrows knit together in worry and he darted out the door.

----

"Al! Alphonse!!" Ed cried out, pumping his legs with all his might. He had found his little brother wading, slowly, deeper and deeper into the river. Alphonse hesitated, and turned to face Ed blankly. The water swirled, white and foaming with the slight turbulence, around his waist. He said nothing.

"Al!" Ed disregarded the fact that his left leg was made of metal and he'd get a sound beating from Winry for getting it wet and rusty, and plunged into the water, dragging his brother out. Alphonse went without much fight, "Al, what's wrong? What're you doing! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

Al's lip quivered as he stared at Ed. His eyes scrunched closed and he began to shake his head from the cold and the demons that pursued him. Tears flew off his cheeks as the movement became faster.

"Brother..." he whined softly, then erupted into a wail, "Brother!!"

Ed froze. Whatever was afflicting Alphonse was terrifying. He had never seen his baby brother like this, and never wanted to see it again. At least physical wounds he could have treated, but these... Ed took a shaky breath and placed his trembling arms around Al. His voice was desperate, confused.

"Al...what's wrong? Please tell me...what were you doing out here all alone?"

Alphonse simply looked up at Ed, clutching at his sleeves with white-knuckled hands.

"You remember, right, Brother? You remember..."

"Remember what?"

"Please say you do!" Al rasped out a sob, his nails digging so hard into Ed's left arm that it stung, "please say you remember!!!"

Edward stared at Al. This small creature, bereft by some type of mysterious grief, haunted by things that Ed longed to vanquish but didn't even understand. His baby brother.

He kept one arm wound around Al's shoulders, the other gently gripping his waist for support as he led Al home and whispered.

"I remember, Al. I remember."


	2. Chapter 2

Doctor Knox closed the bedroom door gently behind him and immediately began coaxing a pack of cigarettes from his breast pocket. Ed had been waiting impatiently in the hallway with Roy, who had taken it upon himself to visit the Elric household after receiving a rather disjointed phone call from Ed at two in the morning.

"So?" Ed asked breathlessly, twisting his hands together in worry, "is my brother okay?"

Knox lit a cigarette and took a long drag, allowing for a large plume of smoke to escape his lips before he spoke.

"My advice is to get that kid a shrink."

Roy gazed solemnly at Knox from behind Ed, whose eyes grew in alarm.

"A shrink? Are you saying Al needs a psychologist or somethin' ?"

"Not a psychologist," the doctor answered, striding down the hallway as the other two followed somberly, "a therapist. Psychologists can't prescribe drugs, and from what I can tell, that kid needs some heavy-duty pills."

Upon entering the living room, Ed darted around Knox's side and blocked his path, staring up at him. Doctor Knox twisted his mouth into a broad frown. He puffed smoke above the boy.

"Al's crazy? Depressed? What?" he whispered at Knox. When Knox stood thinking over the question, Ed turned his attention to Roy, "Mustang, do you really think that's true?"

"It's not as far-fetched as you seem to believe, Ed," Roy shoved his hands into his pockets and gazed out the window, his black eyes fatigued, "I'm surprised neither of you have gotten therapy before, after all you've been through...and now, considering what's happened recently..."

Ed stepped back a few paces and lowered his eyes, a gesture that the great Full Metal Alchemist wasn't known to do often. His arms draped limply at his sides, but the experienced eyes of Doctor Knox and Roy could see that his fingers were clenched into trembling fists.

"The kid seems to be suffering from a breakdown," Knox scrubbed at his bristly black hair with his free hand, "there could be other causes too, like stress. What's he been doing lately?"

Ed dropped down on the couch, sinking into the plush fabric, his eyes still turned down, his voice holding no inflection as he spoke.

"He's been studying under a doctor that specializes in alchemical healing...Hovannes...I think the name was. He's gone a lot, and I don't think he gets much sleep..."

Knox nodded.

"That's part of the problem. If I were you, I'd make Al take a vacation, and take him to see a therapist. Roy," he nodded his head in farewell to the man beside him and made his way out the door. Edward buried his head in his hands, golden hair tangling between his ungloved fingers. Roy sat beside him on the couch, gently placing a hand on his shoulder, picking locks of hair away from Ed's right hand.

"You'll get your hair stuck in your Auto-mail, Ed," he said softly.

"What am I gonna do?" the boy's voice hummed from behind his palms. He looked up at Roy with supplication and tears in his eyes, "this is all my fault..."

They sat together in silence, crowned by the morning sun streaming through the window.

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**AN: Sorry these chapters are so short, the rest will be longer now that I've got the intro done with! Please review, it feeds my soul!**


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